


The Bots and the Bees

by StrongBrush1



Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Genre: Friends With Benefits, M/M, Robot Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 07:01:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9537008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrongBrush1/pseuds/StrongBrush1
Summary: One lonely night on the Satellite of Love, Crow T. Robot is thinking about love when Tom Servo barges into the room. The two have a discussion about their relationship and from there, things get interesting.





	

“Geostationary orbit is approximately 22,236 miles above the surface of the earth. And when you are stuck at that altitude for seven years, you start to gain perspective on a lot of different topics: life, death, humanity… and especially love.  
“You start to imagine romance as something more than the actions of holding hands, smiling, and making out in the back of a rented Chevy Impala. You begin to think: What is love? I want to know what love is. I would do anything for love but I won’t do that. It’s all so confusing. But soon, you find someone you do love, and everything starts to click. And I’m lucky to have found-”  
The door to Crow’s bedroom opened up, much to his shock. He quickly closed his journal and threw it into a pile of his screenplays, most of which were old abandoned projects that Crow had gotten tired of writing. Behind the door was Tom Servo, looking unusually tired and grumpy. “Crow T. Robot, do you have any idea what time it is?”  
“Um… I don’t. My internal clock is still broken from the incident at the Christmas party.”  
“It’s three AM, central standard time. GO. TO. SLEEP.”  
“Can’t I just stay up a little bit longer?”  
“I mean it, Crow. Everyone can hear you talking to yourself.”  
Crow almost blew a circuit. “They WHAT?”  
“Yeah. Gypsy’s been bugging me about it, Cambot has been giving me these looks, and Mike is especially frustrated because, I don’t know if you knew this, humans can’t turn their ears off.  
“I can’t help it, Tom. It’s just been running through my mind ever since we watched that short about marriage last year.”  
“You’re still thinking about that?”  
“We were going to get married, Tom! Believe it or not, I was looking forward to it!”  
“So was I, but then Doctor Forrester, may he rot in peace, just up and botched the ceremony and it got me thinkin’, you know, maybe we’d be better as friends.”  
“Well, I’ve been thinking about us, Tom. I did some research on human relationships and it turns out they’re not as straightforward as some old movies and TV shows would have you believe.”  
“How so?”  
Crow pulled out an old set of papers and showed one to Tom. “Mostly, I’ve been reading this.”  
Tom looked confused. “This is a Julia Child recipe.”  
“Whoops, wrong paper.” Crow put back the recipe and took out another page.  
“Friends with benefits?”  
Crow put the papers back down so he could explain. “It’s the perfect arrangement. We stay friends, so there’s no romantic tension, but we can enjoy all the perks of being a couple without having to go through any ceremony.”  
“So we could go at it and not have to worry about commitment? That’s brilliant!”  
“I thought so too! But, the catch is that we have to establish boundaries, lay down ground rules so our understanding of the relationship doesn’t skew into romance… it’s not easy!”  
“Ah, nothing ever is.”  
Crow sat down on his bed, and Tom joined him. There was a long silence.  
“Still, it’s worth a shot, huh?”  
“I guess we could try sex once and see what happens from there. You know, experiment a bit.”  
“Well, I’m ready when you are.”  
Crow excitedly stood up from the edge of the bed. “Finally, all those terrible sex scenes lead to something good. I’m ready, Tom. Bend over.”  
Tom did as he was told, showing the underside of his hoverskirt to Crow. “Be gentle.”  
Crow excitedly grabbed hold of Tom’s backside and…  
And…  
“Huh,” Crow said aloud, the rush of excitement draining from his face.  
“What is it?”  
“It just occured to me that we don’t have genitalia.”  
“Oh, right. Guess we can’t be friends with benefits if we don’t have the proper benefits.”  
“Okay, let’s think. In all the books I’ve read on sex, the basic function involves a penetrating object and some kind of orifice. What do we have that could substitute for those.”  
“Well, as far as orifices go, the thermal exhaust port under my hoverskirt might be a decent place to start.”  
“Okay. But what do we use to-” Crow stopped in a panic.  
“What’s wrong, Crow?”  
“I just remembered I was supposed to drain my transmission fluid yesterday. I can’t do this tonight.” Crow started for the door.  
Suddenly, Tom lit up with an idea. “Wait. What does your fluid drainage valve look like?”  
Crow stopped at the door and turned back around. “Well, from what I can tell, Joel modified an old garden hose and installed it in a panel between my-” Crow came to a sudden realization.  
“Are you ready to try again?” asked Tom, rolling back over.  
Crow opened up a panel in between his legs, revealing the piece of garden hose Joel had attached to him. “I’m ready now.” Crow closed the door and retook his position behind Tom.  
“How will we know when we’re finished?”  
“Presumably when the buildup of pressure in the hose sets off the valve’s emergency auto-drain function.”  
“Warn me before you discharge, okay? I don’t want the fluid messing with my circuits.”  
“Okay, which port here is the thermal exhaust?”  
“It’s in the middle.”  
“Okay, hold on.” Crow rubbed his hose to build up air pressure. When it was firmer, he started aiming at the port. “Entering exhaust port.” With one swift, calculated move, Crow plugged the hose into the designated port. Tom yelped slightly.  
“WOW!”  
“You alright, Tom? I’m feeling unusual. But in a good way.”  
“This sensation is entirely new to me, but damn if I don’t love it!”  
“Okay, now I have to maintain a rise in pressure. Better engage thrusters.”  
“Stop talking tech and fuck me already.”  
Crow promptly started thrusting in and out, his valve slowly filling with air pressure. The hose got so big Crow had trouble sliding in and out of the port. “Tom, I think I might be stuck.”  
“Well, get some lubricant to lessen the friction! Jeez, didn’t you learn anything from that mechanics 101 tape?”  
Crow reached towards his desk for a bottle of valve oil and slowly pulled out just enough to cover the rubber part of the hose in oil. From then on, sliding in and out was a breeze. Crow’s internal regulators warned him that the air pressure in his fluid valve was reaching critical levels and that the emergency release should be activated upon his command. “Tom? I think I’m almost ready to release!”  
“You’re at critical levels already? That was fast.”  
“Gimme a break, it’s my first time!” Crow initiated the release, and counted down to the moment of climax. “Five, four, three, two, one…”  
The valve released the pressure, send Crow’s transmission fluid into Servo’s exhaust. The cool blast of fluid gave Tom a rush of energy. Crow, on the other hand, was spent.  
“Wow. That was… exhausting.”  
“Yet oddly pleasurable. No wonder humans enjoy it so much.”  
Crow pulled out of tom, giving his thermal exhaust port room to breathe again. Some of the fluid had spilled on the sheets by accident. “Well, I’m gonna have to do laundry today. What are your thoughts, Servo?”  
Tom stood up and turned to Crow. “Frankly, I’m not feeling any sort of romantic attraction at the moment. I am feeling the urge to experiment again, but my internal regulators are telling me I should refrain from doing so.”  
“My internal regulators are telling me to go into sleep mode.”  
“Yeah, me too. That was fun, but, uh… let’s maybe not tell Mike about this and just go to sleep.”  
Crow slipped under his covers as Tom went to open the door. “Hey, Servo? Thanks for... you know.”  
“Ah, it was nothing. Good night, Crow.”  
“Night, Tom Servo.” Tom slipped out, closing the door behind him.  
Crow had a lot to process. He had lost what could ostensibly be called his virginity, and he was feeling unsure about the next step. But as he turned off his lights, he took solace in the fact that he and Tom could possibly be more than friends.

**Author's Note:**

> A very short story written to keep to my resolution of two new works a month. Timeline-wise, this story takes place in between the end of Season 7 and the beginning of Season 8.
> 
> And in case you were wondering, yes I AM pumped about Season 11. I donated like $100 to the Kickstarter. Maybe once the new season comes out, I'll write more MST3K stories. Let me know if you're interested in the comments below.


End file.
